I asked a friend the other day if she ever wondered how effective her skill set would be in the event of an Apocalypse. She said no, she has never considered that. To which I respond “Fair enough.” I recognize that normal people don’t dwell on the minutiae of a theoretical Apocalypse (which by the way spell check tells me is capitalized), but I have never claimed to be normal.

If there’s one thing our recent Rapture scare has proven to me, it’s that I would be very limited use in the event of an apocalypse. Don’t get me wrong, I’m good in a crisis. I’m not sure what the rapture experts mean by “general torment,” but you definitely want me on your team when that initially goes down. However, after the panic passes and we’ve established a plan to ward off the zombies, I’m not sure how much use I’d be in the execution of said plan. Not to mention, once the zombies are eradicated, then what? Sure, sarcasm is amusing, but it won’t help when it comes time to hunt and gather.

Then, of course, you have to account for the roving bands of post-apocalyptic marauders. Of course, being from Texas, I know how to shoot a gun, it’s the aiming that’s problematic. Luckily I don’t own anything that said marauders might want, so I should be OK there. However, on the off chance, I should probably start looking into some sort of self defense. Lord knows the cat won’t be of any help. She’d probably just join up with them. She’s always struck me as something that would enjoy life as an outlaw.

The cat preparing for general torment and mayhem

I recognize that this is an odd subject to consider, but I’m coming from a place where my mom once called me to tell me that in the event of an apocalypse we are all to meet at our cabin in East Texas. It’s probably also better to have a plan BEFORE you’re knee deep in “general torment.” For now, I’m off to procure a generator, a stockpile of canned goods and some jerky; maybe also to see where I can learn Krav Maga.